Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween Is Off The Hook

What I learned today was that Halloween is much more than I thought it would be. Up here in Marin, they take it seriously. The neighborhood we went to had haunted houses, rock bands playing on front lawns, projections on garages and tons of people. Wyatt was dressed up as Spiderman. Me, I was just a handsome man about town, snug underneath his blanket, cloaked in self-assurance and natural charisma.

And I wasn't even trying.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I Have Much More To Learn

What I learned today was that I have much more to learn. I spent a good portion of my day just watching Wyatt. I studied how he played with Legos, how he worked our parents over to get what he wants, how he ran, how he cracked jokes, how he did arts and crafts, how he played the drums, how he danced, how he ate, how he was able to get his own water, how he peed, how he pooped, how he fake cried and, most importantly, how he found fun in every single second.

He might be the most interesting man in the world.

I think he's a righteous dude.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sitting Is The New Propping

What I learned today was that I like to sit. And not just sitting in a way where Hot Mama and Daddy hold me, which is not really sitting but more like being propped up for other people's amusement. But more like I get to sit in this seat called The Bumbo and chillax like most people do - sitting straight up, on my own, watching TV. It's independence like this that will help me get the ladies. They want a man who can fend for himself.

I just toppled onto my head.

Someone pick me up.

Friday, October 28, 2011

I Probably Have A Sweet Tooth

What I learned today was that, once I get my teeth in, several of them if not all will be sweet. We went to Wyatt's Halloween parade at his preschool, and all the kids were dressed up in different costumes and they each got this thing called "candy" in their buckets. The "candy" comes in different shapes and sizes and tastes. But they all seem delicious. All the kids thought so, and all the Mommies tried to limit them from having too many, and when Mommies and Daddies deny you something, you know it just has to be good.

I expect to be hooked on Tootsie Rolls before I turn 2.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Grampa Sees More In Me

What I learned today was that Grampa is also equipped to watch me on days that Hot Mama goes to work. We had fun today. He pushes me to do more than I could possibly do, like walking, but then we both have a smile about it afterwards. I like that about him. Even at just three months old, he treats me like I'm double that.

I can't even calculate how old I'd have to be for him to treat me like someone his age. It could be in the thousands.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Do Not Need You To Entertain Me

What I learned today was that I do not need anyone's help to be entertained. Hot Mama placed me right in the middle of a contraption called "The Exersaucer". It's basically this circular play desk that I sit in the middle of, and each section has different things I can explore, like buttons or a felt dragon or spinny things. I kinda dug the variety of it all. Of course, there's not much I can do with my hands or my short attention span right now, so it's not like we're breaking out Monopoly or Call of Duty for me to play. But still, baby steps, even if I'm not walking yet.

(I will, however, take you behind the woodshed in Risk).

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Gram Makes It Look Easy

What I learned today was that when life gives you lemons, make Gram flavored lemonade. Hot Mama went back to the office today. This marks the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one of breastpumping. So Gram is now my new object of affection on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and it's kinda cool. She's some role model. She tends to me, coddles me, makes me happy while doing 37,864 other things at the same time. And she makes it all look easy.

I need to up my game and make this more challenging for her.

Wait 'til I start eating people food.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Don't Work When You Can Work It

What I learned today is that when someone else is working, work it. Hot Mama begins work this week, and today she took me and Wyatt to babysitting at the gym while she went on a conference call. So while she was working, I was working it. They've got some cute and young sitters there, and I put on my charms. You know how it goes. Young sitter meets charming younger lad, she digs the attention, one thing leads to another and bam! It's 18 years later and they're making a Lifetime movie about us starring B-level actors desperately clinging to the next paycheck.

Too much detail?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Life Get Confusing When Reality Crosses Streams

What I learned today was that life gets confusing when reality crosses streams. I thought I had a handle on what TV is. I get that it's not real. I get that when you look around, life isn't a cartoon. So it's a world that exists only on that 42 inch LCD flat screen which, by the way, Daddy, kudos on such a wonderful piece of technology.

But then, tonight, I'm hanging with the 'rents watching some sort of dance show, and who's on it all of a sudden but Hot Mama and Daddy.

Which is weird, because they're right here next to me.

And is even weirder, because that's not real but they're real and yet...



Either way, they're both huge stars in my book.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Good Company Makes Life Nicer

What I learned today was that it doesn't matter where you are when you're with people you like. Wyatt's friend Tanner just moved to San Rafael. So we and Wyatt's friends and their parents all went over his house to check it out and to chill out, hit the hot tub and drink.

Of course, for me, chilling out meant taking a two hour power nap.

Hitting the hot tub meant sticking to Hot Mama and her sweat when she wore the Bjorn.

And drinking meant shots of left breast milk, chased with right breast milk.

Yep, it's a tough life for a man of leisure like myself.

Friday, October 21, 2011

School Can't Come Soon Enough

What I learned today was that I can't wait to be a student. Wyatt's school had a class trip to a pumpkin patch (my second one! I'm a veteran!) Hot Mama volunteered, and she had a rough go of it. But I loved it. You see, I saw how much fun Wyatt was having with his friends and his peers, and I got really jealous.

You see, I want my own social circle. I want peeps. I want a posse. I want to belong to a roving gang of thugs.

But all I have right now is Sophie the giraffe. She's great and all, but it's a one way relationship.

Who's with me?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Bedtime is Bonding Time

What I learned today was that if home is where the heart is, then it's at its most comfortable between the two people you love the most. My favorite parts of my night (not counting the moments when I'm dreaming of being breastfed by Scarlett Johannson) is when Hot Mama brings me into bed and I get to sleep between her and Daddy. I try to extend my arms out so I'm touching them at least a little. That works until one of them farts. Then it's every infant for himself.

Seriously, guys, be a little more courteous to your guests.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The World Turns And Turns And Turns

What I learned today was that you can find entertainment in the simplest things. Take, for instance, the ceiling fan. See how the blades turn in a clockwise motion, one after the other after the other, in a consistent rotation, passing a slight breeze my way underneath.

I love the ceiling fan.

I might know what happens next, but there's consolation in not being surprised and just being enthused.

Which means I'll probably be a huge fan of romantic comedies.

Sorry, Daddy.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Gooey Is Great

What I learned today was that the messier and stickier the situation, the more fun it is. We did a little pumpkin carving at Gram and Grampa's house tonight. Daddy did most of the carving. Wyatt did most of the scooping out. I just sat there, watching. I did put my little fingers through some pumpkin guts, courtesy of Grampa, who seems to continuously allow me to do things I probably shouldn't but don't regret.

Ickies? You bet.

Awesome? Absolutely.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Impending Doom Ain't So Bad

What I learned today was that even if disaster strikes, I'll be okay. Hot Mama and Daddy tonight decided it would be fun to do some indoor skydiving, so Gram and Grampa came over to watch Wyatt and I. And with my parents impending doom hanging over our collective heads, I gotta say we had a great time. Grampa blew bubbles out of his mouth and I loved that. And Gram sang me some songs that were jovial. It was like my parents not being there didn't even matter. We had fun nonetheless, even though they could have been scrambled eggs at that point.

But they weren't. They turned up poached.

And we were sunnyside up.

Thanks Gram and Grampa. I think I love you.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Some Traditions Just Are

What I learned today was that traditions are special. Hot Mama, Daddy and Wyatt took me to a pumpkin patch in Petaluma today. But we weren't alone. Gram and Grampa came along. So did Uncle Shannon, Auntie Nessa, Petra and Bryce. And also all of Wyatt's friends. And scarecrows too! Plenty of scarecrows and pumpkins of all sizes and shapes and colors and textures.

Special stuff, especially when you consider the bouncy houses and hay mazes that I can't wait to throw myself onto.

However, Hot Mama and Daddy thought it would be a great photo shoot to toss me onto a pile of pumpkins. Yeah, it might look good "artistically", but aesthetically, it didn't feel too great with a pumpkin stem poking into my diaper. So stop trying to get me to smile and adjust my position.

So I guess that's a tradition too.

Can't win them all.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Every Great Action Creates A Reaction

What I learned today was that for the things I like, I respond in kind. Like funny faces, for example. I smile for that. And for tongues stuck out to me, I smile and laugh for that and try to replicate. And for sweet kisses on the cheek, I might stiffen up my body a bit, but that's because I'm trying to constrain the happiness inside me before it overwhelms me.

And when someone blows on my bellybutton, making my tummy flap, it tickles and I ask for more. Because stuff like this makes my world go round.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Embrace Your Allies

What I learned today was that allies can arrive from mysterious places. Hot Mama received a package in the mail. It's called an Elf On The Shelf, and it supposed to keep Wyatt in line during the race to Christmas (whatever that is).

So ain't no misbehaving, unless he wants Santa to find out.

And he doesn't.

The thing is that Elf On The Shelf won't come out until the day after Thanksgiving (whatever that is). So I've got some time, which means that he's got some time to get his poking, prodding, screaming and getting into my grill out of his system.

But I'm making my own list, and I'm checking it twice.

And I will tell.

Once I learn how to talk.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Change Positives Into Negatives

What I learned today was to change a positive into a negative. Getting my diaper change is no fun. I lay on my back, my pants get taken off, my diaper right after, I have wet wipes swipe through my crack and cheeks, risk further peeing on myself, then have another diaper slapped onto me.

It's not a joyride.

But when Daddy does it, he looks at me and I at him. And he makes silly noises and I laugh at him. He's silly. And I sometimes have to open my mouth to catch my breath, that's how funny he is with the noises he makes.

And then, before you know it, my diaper's been change and I barely noticed.

Let's keep this going, Daddy. I dig the performance art.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Birthdays Should Be Milked

What I learned today was that I can milk this birthday thing. Today was my three month birthday. Hot Mama and Daddy and Wyatt sang to me. It was a low-key affair, yes, but the sentiment was appreciated.

What did I wish for?

None of your business.


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

New Days Offer New Discoveries

What I learned today was that each day offers new discoveries. I was able to bend my head down, and I noticed that at the end of my legs are these things called "toes". Although, to be fair, I call them "piggies". There's ten of them, five on each foot, each one a different size than the other. And they all move when I wiggle them, which I do, although their movements are barely noticeable to the human eye. You got to trust me on this one.

I tried to put them in my mouth, but flexibility wasn't my friend today.

So hello, piggies. Nice to make your acquaintance. I will stub you at times, but it don't mean I love you less.

It just means I appreciate you for being there.

Monday, October 10, 2011

It's All In The Company You Keep

What I learned today was that it doesn't matter where I go, as long as I'm with the ones I love. We went to a sticker factory today, and I got some stickers.


But check out who I was with: Hot Mama. Wyatt. Auntie Nessa. Petra. Bryce. Gram.

Can I get a "Hell Yes"!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Small Things May Get Big Reactions

What I learned today was that things might happen that aren't a big deal to you but are a big deal to others. For example, today I was on my back. I put my legs up in the air and then allowed gravity and momentum to do their part, which was turn me onto my side, laying on my shoulder.

Hot Mama made a huge deal about this. She was so proud. Of what? Physics.

Listen, lady, I'm capable of many great things. This was just the tip of the iceberg.

Just wait until I can get people to pull my finger.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Pirate Phase Will Be A Fun One

What I learned today was that pirates aren't scary. They are funny. And pretty. And awkward at times. Mysterious and friendly. And then, whiny. And sometimes demanding. But all in all, pirates are good folk to be around.

I know this because Wyatt had a pirate themed birthday party. I wore a red pirate shirt and, at times, a bandanna that I wasn't in love with. But all his friends dressed like pirates and they were awesome and believable. One day, I hope to be a real pirate, just like they were.

But until then, although I may be too young to swab de decks, I'm not too young to be someone's matey.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Love Can Make People Do Amazing Things

What I learned today is that when you put your mind to something, you can make it happen. Today, for instance, Mommy and Daddy worked their tails off to get stuff together for Wyatt's birthday party tomorrow. Some of their effort involved holding me in one of their hands while they did something with the other, or Bjorning me while they did some heavy stuff. I managed to get a first row view of everything, and realized that love can make people do amazing things.

I helped out by only pooping once.

A small contribution, yes, but still, a little something for the effort here.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

It's OK To Celebrate Your Idols

What I learned today was that certain special people deserve all the praise, especially when it's their birthday. Which it is, today, for someone I cherish.

Happy birthday, Wyatt.

You're not just my big brother. You're my best friend and my role model.

Stop poking me.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

There Are Moments Worth Remembering

What I learned today was that moments matter. And I'm not talking about the obvious stuff. No, it's about the emotional, personal, small but huge things in life that matter so much, the moments in time that you'll remember always, just because it means everything, and it happened to you and only you.

Today, Wyatt sat down next to me and read me a book.

Nevermind that he can't read.

He still did it.

He wanted to share this story with me.


My big brother read me a book today.


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Laughter Is A Weapon

What I learned today was that when something is odd, I can react to it. It involves creating a noise. Sometimes it's prolonged and at other times it can be quick and repetitive. Either way, it's a weapon, because any time I do this thing called "laughing", I get a reaction. And, most importantly, I get my way, all in the name of "Do it again".

So every reaction causes an action that benefits me.

And not only that, I have different types of laughs, so I can moderate what reward I give out.

There's the chuckle. That's when someone does something I find humorous.

There's the build-up. That's when someone does something I might find humorous, but I'm still making up my mind.

There's the caw. That's when someone does something I think is truly funny.

And there's the gutteral. That's when someone does something hilarious, and I can feel my laugh come up from my feet through my gut up to my neck and out my mouth, which is wide open.

That's the best one. I don't give those out too often.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Rain Is Worthy Of Blame

What I learned today was that not every day is sunny. Seems like sometimes the sky opens up and drops some water on us. It's called rain. And it's wet. I got some on my nose and it tickled. Then another one landed on me and trickled down my nose. Then another one landed in my mouth on that speedbag thingy that hangs down off my roof. Then another one on my chin.

I did not like this, not one little bit.

So if you're wondering why I've been in a cranky mood today, well, how would you feel if you learned that the sky is falling and it's wet?

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Goodbyes Aren't Forever

What I learned today was that goodbyes aren't forever. Grandpa and Uncle Mike drove us to the airport this morning, and although I wasn't happy about it, we got back on and flew to California to resume with our lives. Because I was sleeping when they dropped us off, I still recognized that they both kissed me goodbye very tenderly on my cheek.

Don't think I didn't know. I did.

And so, we're apart by 2500 miles yet again.

But somehow, I feel closer.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Skype Can Only Do So Much

What I learned today is that I wish I could spend more time with my cousins. Nicky and Ava Rose live too far away for me to spend meaningful time with. Sure, we Skype together and such, but they show me so much love with kisses and hugs that I wish they could put all of them in a box and ship it to me and then I will return it to them inside an even bigger box.

Maybe I can smuggle them onto the plane with me. They'd fit underneath the seat in front of me, yes?