Saturday, December 31, 2011

Promises Aren't Really Meant To Be Kept

What I learned today was that you can make a resolution, but nobody will really remember it. Today is something called New Years, and Hot Mama and Daddy each made resolutions, which are promises you want to hold throughout the year. Hot Mama said no sweets. Daddy chose doing Bikram Yoga more this year. Wyatt wants to watch more Wiggles. We'll see how long those last.

As for me, here's some resolutions I made that I'm probably not gonna keep:

I want to pee all over an authority figure.

I want my poop to be harder.

And I want to be linked to Kim Kardashian.

(OK, the last one is probably too easy).

Friday, December 30, 2011

There's Always Something Bigger Out There

What I learned today was that even Hot Mama and Daddy worship something bigger than all of us. I saw it with my very own eyes, the way they seemed like they were in heaven, seemingly able to do anything they wanted.

I love seeing my parents like that.

And after we left the Apple Store, we were able to take the iPhone with us. I can't wait to drool all over Siri.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Be Thorough

What I learned today was that you need to be thorough. Daddy spray painted Wyatt's new bed frame in the garage while I was in the living room, two close doors away. That is, two close doors that were slightly opened.

So when Daddy came in to check on me, he smelled what I smelled. And it wasn't the farts I was dropping to cover it up.

Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing pure oxygen.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I Can Get Into Yoga

What I learned today was that I can get into yoga. I know there's many poses I need to learn, but today, I grabbed my feet with my hands and then extend my legs out.

I also farted while doing that.

So I'd fit right in with any yoga class.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I Hate Buzzers

What I learned today is that live basketball is even better than basketball on TV. We went to see my cousin Roddy play basketball today all the way out in Concord. Daddy, Wyatt, Grampa, Uncle Pat and I sat all the way up in the bleachers. I loved it. Basketball is exciting to watch when it happens in front of you.

What I hated was the buzzer. It was loud and shocking. I did not like it. I did not like it at all. Until I got used to it. Then it was fun.

Take a charge, Roddy!

Monday, December 26, 2011

You Don't Need A Reason To Celebrate

What I learned today was that you don't need a reason to celebrate. We went to a really nice restaurant tonight called MoMo's just because.

We drove into the city, right by where Daddy works, and we met Hot Mama, who was working, and Gram and Grampa joined us too, and Wyatt was there, and we had a corner booth and everyone ate and drank and ate again.

I did too, except just because I'm in a fancy shpancy restaurant doesn't mean that Hot Mama's booby milk tastes extra special, like with truffle oil.

That would be something.

Bottle it!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Giving Is As Good As Getting

What I learned today was that giving is as good as getting, especially on Christmas. I got some great stuff. But I also gave some great ones.

Hot Mama, you’re welcome for the tickets to “American Idiot”.

And Daddy, you’re welcome for the limited edition Air Luke Dunks.

And Wyatt, the accordion was my idea.

Who’s better than Lukie?

Santa Claus, yes, but other than him?

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Nothing's Perfect

What I learned today was that Christmas Eve is fun. Lots of fun. Playing with Bryce fun. Having Wyatt open my gifts for me fun. Hanging out with Gram and Grampa and Uncle Shannon and Auntie Nessa fun. Sleeping on their bed fun. Seeing Santa Claus come by for a surprise visit fun.

If I only could have had the bisque.

Nothing’s perfect.

Friday, December 23, 2011

There’s Cruelty In The World

What I learned today was that violence is everywhere ingredients are. Hot Mama and Daddy took home two live lobsters from the city today and then proceeded to boil them into a hot pot.

I witnessed this with my own eyes.

I can’t tell you what those lobsters said or did to deserve such treatment, but I can tell you I was a perfect child the rest of the day.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I’ve Got Chops

What I learned today was that Daddy is dangerous with too much time on his hands. He made a stop-motion video of me singing “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”. For the record, I really belted out the Springsteen vocals and I nailed the big man’s sax solo.

Has Zeppelin ever covered a Christmas song? Because you ain’t heard nothing until you’ve heard my Robert Plant impression. Hot Mama and Daddy have, usually at 2AM, when I’m hungry.

It’s top of my lungs good.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Best Friends Are Forever

What I learned today was that I have a new best friend and her name is Sophie and she is a giraffe that I put in my mouth because it feels good on my gums and she makes a squeak every so often which I like because it reverberates down my esophagus all the way into my heart where I have a special place reserved for her, my Sophie.

That I just dropped.


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Holidays Are Exciting

What I learned today was that holidays are a big deal, mostly because they come equipped with days off from work for my parents, which means that they get to play with me as much as they want.

I’m the early Christmas gift that keeps on giving. And pooping.

Mostly pooping.