Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Not Every Animal Is Friendly

What I learned today was that not every animal is friendly. Daddy saw a skunk in the backyard, and he pointed it out to both me and Wyatt. We both wanted to pet it, but Daddy told us that if you get too close to it, the skunk will spray out a smell that’s worse than death.

So, in other words, a skunk behaves exactly like how Daddy behaves after he eats a burrito.

Don’t tell him I said that.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Musical Talent Is Inherent

What I learned today was that musical talent is inherent. While Wyatt played the drums, I shook my maracas. And the end result was a song that can be described as somewhere between Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” and goats being slaughtered

Wait until you see the video we’re gonna make for it.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Company Makes Long Rides More Fun

What I learned today is that five hours of travelling ain’t so bad when you’re with the ones you love. We drove back home from Tahoe today, and although it only was supposed to take three and a half hours, it took us a bit longer. We stopped for a snack. Hot Mama went shopping in a store. We pumped gas. I ate peas again (WTF?) And through it all, I loved every minute. I got to stare at Wyatt as he watched “Cars” on his DVD. I watched the scenery pass by through the rear window. I eavesdropped on my parents talking about my Grandma, whose birthday it was today. And I took a nap. Seriously, you can’t beat that, really.

Also, I farted every single mile from Auburn to Vacaville. That’s gotta be a record somewhere.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Being Colder Is Cooler

What I learned today was that you don’t need skis to have fun in the snow. We went tubing in North Lake Tahoe and it was a blast. Well, it looked like a blast. I didn’t do any of it because I’m still a little too small and I also napped during most of it. But Hot Mama did it and Wyatt did it and Petra did it and even Bryce did it. And if Bryce did it now, I’ll surely be able to do it next year.

And if a faceplant happens, so be it. Snow can’t taste any worse than that jar of peas Hot Mama feeds me.

That is, unless someone peased in the snow.

I’ll be here all week. Please tip your waitresses.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Being Older Is Cooler

What I learned today was that I want to be older right now. I watched Wyatt and Petra hit the slopes today in Soda Springs, and I want to do that. I want skis on my feet, scarf around my neck, wind whipping past me, hot dogs and pizza all the way down and then hit the lodge with a hot chocolate and a hotter chick eyeing me down. Or maybe it’s snowboarding. Hell, I’ll take anything, as long as it makes me look cool.

A man can dream.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Be Heard

What I learned today was that I mean it when I don’t want something. Eating food means I need to wear a bib, and I don’t like that, not one little bit. I believe I’m making myself clear about this. Do you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME?

I don’t see you wearing a bib, Hot Mama. Or you, Daddy. And trust me, you need it. How many stains do you have to get on your own shirt before a bib becomes mandatory? I saw you drip that soup. I did. You’re fooling nobody.

Gravity befriends none of us.